Each bridal couple is different. Some invite 50 guests some 450. Some serve a vegetarian meal, some Beef Wellington. With all of these differences, there is always a shared goal to create a wonderful wedding. The PERFECT DAY that most spend years dreaming about and months worth of preparation. Family and friends gathered at a beautiful location, gorgeous flowers, delicious food, music, and dancing all interacting to create memories that last a lifetime. Can the day be perfect? Yes, most definitely! Can the day be somewhat anti-climatic? Sadly, the answer is also yes.

Months of planning reach a pinnacle of about a 5-6 hour event. When I was married, it felt like I woke up, blinked my eyes, and was ready for bed again. The perfect day was absolutely wonderful, yet in retrospect a little brief. For this reason, I suggest to see the perfect day as part of a perfect process.

What is meant by the perfect process? It regards the actual planning of the event. It can be stressful, but it can also be full of wonder and self discovery. There are two aspects of this perfect process dynamic: one spiritual in nature, the other quite practical.

Spiritual refers to the emotional connections made from human interaction. For instance, when a woman goes with her mother or friend to buy a dress there are the normal considerations like "How does it look on me?" or "Can it be altered?" Related to the day itself these questions focus on how you will look at your wedding. But do not lose site of important aspects of the process. The stories told to you by your mother about her dress, that fact that your co-shopper is there to support your decision and share in your joy. Look at this purchase as a mini celebration into itself that adds meaning to the perfect day and will be part of your wedding memories.

Other such events can include: having friends over to taste wines that you are considering serving or to develop a music play list. Go to your grandparents and interview them about what their wedding was like or if there’s any family tradition you could incorporate into your perfect day. In all events, these are special times. They allow for thoughtful reflection, for reminiscing with friends, to give and receive advice, gain support, and help to strengthen emotional ties with those you love.

As you interview potential wedding vendors you will try to determine if they have the skills needed to make your wedding dreams a reality. Keep in mind, however, that you will have to spend a lot of time with them. Ask yourself, "Is this a person or company that I will personally like to be around?" for this attribute, in addition to your trust in their skills, helps you to enjoy the process of planning the perfect day.

The practical benefits of the perfect process are many. One, there are many opportunities for you to practice the art of compromise, a needed component of any good marriage. Red or white meat, live music or DJ, who to invite and what invitations to use all allow you to see each other as individuals with different needs that require balance. Another practical benefit is that you begin to gain experience in budgeting, another task you will need after the perfect day is past. Indeed, the number one source of contention with newlyweds regards finances. Devise strategies and begin to discipline yourselves to help with financial planning. Be honest, yet sensitive when you make these choices and these skills will certainly help you build a good foundation for a lasting marriage.

You deserve and will have your perfect day, but see it as part of a larger process. You will increase the duration of your celebration, add meaning to the wedding day itself, and develop skills to make your marriage successful.

Paul Dongarra
President, Dionysus’ Kitchen
Copyrighted 2001 Dionysus’ Kitchen

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